porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
