As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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