just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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