You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
