Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
