yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
