my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
