you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
