I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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