you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
