I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
