Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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