Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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