Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
