When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
