so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
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Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
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He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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