Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
