He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
