arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
