You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
