Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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