the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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