I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
