Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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