Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
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My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
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He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know