I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.