Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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