everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
