thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
