I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I love you. Go after that dick
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
