I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
