Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
