now i know why i became what i already was.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
