he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
