I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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