May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
