The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
