Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
