ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
