I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
