I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
