i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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