I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Randomize
