Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
