Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
