I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
