wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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