so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
