Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
