Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
