You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
