pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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