well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
