i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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