weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This is the high leading the old right now
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
