Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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