why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
