I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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