Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
