dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
