Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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