I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
