She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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