So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
operation harelip BJ is a go
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
