No awkward lesbian experiences without me
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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