"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
