She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
