I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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