i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
