He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wish you could order shots online.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
