i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize