yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We left the knife in your bed.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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