Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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