you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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