im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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