I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Is it penis luge time yet?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
