Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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