I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
