How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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