I must be too annoying 4 u.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
