He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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