I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Everclear isn't food dammit
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
